Lead Me

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

In early May of this year, I knew my marriage was over. So much had happened in the last almost 4 years. And so much had dramatically changed in the last 11 months.

As I began a new chapter in my life, this song.... THIS SONG...played on KLove...
As tears blurred my vision, my heart broke at the words I was hearing and the words that were on the surface of my heart, but I just couldn't VOCALIZE. Facing another divorce instead.
The lyrics to this song is exactly what I wanted to say. But not to the person I thought I wanted to.
I have realized something in the year that I have been saved. I can't do anything without my Heavenly Father. He leads me with strong hands, stands up for me and NEVER ever leaves me hungry for love. I know I can't make it one single day without Him nor do I want to. When Jacob and Olivia look at me with their sweet eyes, I want them to see my desire for Jesus and not the world. I want them to look to Jesus for everything.
Now, depending on God to lead me, instead of the world, things are different. And I pray that God will give me strength to be who He intends. A child of The King, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, an aunt, an employee and maybe one day (again) a wife to the one He wanted me to be with all along.

Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.